It's time...

We have decided that it is time to make our blog private!

We keep getting weird websites reading our blog and it really creeps me out. Especially because we have a little one to protect.. 

So leave us your email address if you want to continue to follow us!

Please and thank you :)

To my sweet Kaiser...

We just had our last night together before I go back to work tomorrow night.  We went for a walk--you love those.  We played to your heart's content.  You gave me a billion beautiful smiles.  We snuggled while I read you a story, then I fed you and laid your perfect, precious, tired body down to sleep.  We had another perfect night together that I will always treasure :)  

Tomorrow is my first night back at work since you were born.  It is gonna be a rough one for Mommy, I won't lie.  I have been dreading this day since even before you were born, but it hit me most 3 days ago and I have been teary ever since.  These past 12 weeks we have had an amazing time together playing, learning, and growing, haven't we?  You are getting so big so fast.  I have loved being there for you every second of every day, after all--being your mommy is something I have dreamt about my entire life.  Thank you for letting me be your mom!  We have a special bond me and you, don't we?  I like to think so :)  I like to think that I am the only one who knows exactly what you need, and can give you exactly what you need.  I like to think that you always look for mommy when you are sad and need loves, or tired and need cuddles.

I know it's silly, but I am scared that you will forget how much I love you and that I can always know and give you what you need.  Please just never forget okay?  I know that when I am at work, I will have a MUCH harder time away from you than you will away from me as you will be sleeping for half of it. You probably won't even notice I'm gone...  But know that Mommy is thinking about you and loving you forever and always.

I can't believe how fast 12 weeks went by.  If I could rewind back to the day you joined our family, I would in a heartbeat and start all over again.  I will treasure the times we got to spend together for ever.  You are my precious boy and I love you!  Taylor Swift says how i'm feeling perfectly:

Your little hands wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up, never grow up

I love you sweet baby boy, have fun playing while Mommy is at work.

Love, Mom

I finally passed!!!

I have been waiting for almost a year to say those words!  I took and passed my clinical social work licensing boards!

It is kind of embarrassing to write it for the world to see, but since this is for my own personal record, I will share anyways.

This past year, taking and passing that test has been one of the hardest, if not the hardest trial I have faced up to this point.  I know it might sound silly, but to me it isn't. You see, I finished my undergraduate AND graduate studies with a 4.0 GPA.  I signed up to take the exam in November, so from September until the day I took my test, I studied for countless hours on end doing practice exam after practice exam, and reading through my study material many times.  I paid a lot of money to take the test. I knew what to expect going into the test as far as how the questions were going to be worded, and I was shocked when I clicked finish and the result said a big fat FAIL.  :(  It was super debilitating. I went home and cried to Scott for hours.  Poor guy.

I felt like an embarrassment and a disappointment; I didn't really tell anyone that I failed because I was too ashamed to admit it... I did not want anyone to judge me, or think that I wasn't smart enough. It is awful to have gone to so much school, and felt like you should have passed it, but can't do what you went to school to do because you can't pass a test.

Anyways, the couple months following my test, I tried to put it out of my mind, but it wasn't working very well.  There was always that unfriendly reminder reminding me that I needed to finish.  So I started studying again.  I studied harder than the first time I took it, and felt extremely good about it.  I knew what sections to study, and again, I read through my study material numerous times and answered countless practice questions to refresh my memory on the style of the test.  I felt positive again.  And again, I took it in March, and I was shocked to find that big fat FAIL on my screen for a second time.  I was in disbelief.  Shock.  I didn't know what to think.  The embarrassment and disappointment I felt before was multiplied.  I was angry, but I also felt like I was letting Scott down, and my friends and family down for not being able to meet my potential somehow.  By this time I was 6-7 months pregnant.  Since you have to wait a minimum of 90 days to retake the test, I decided to focus on the baby and forget about this stupid dark cloud in my life.

But easier said than done, right?  Right.  So, Kaiser was born and here I was on maternity leave.  About  a month before I had to go back to work, Scott and I had the conversation I knew needed to happen, but was dreading.  I knew I needed to try it one more time.  I just didn't want to tell myself that, or believe it.  But Scott urged me to do it, (again--poor guy to put up with all my blubbering.) and I signed up.  I studied for a couple hours each day that I could and signed up to take it again.

I took it last Tuesday, the 10th.  My mom, Kaiser, and I got a hotel close to the testing center so that I wouldn't have to go 1/2 a day without nursing Kaiser.  Going into it, I felt at ease.  I felt more confident and calm than I had the previous 2 times.  I can't tell you the relief that came over me as I finished my exam and the words "PASS" showed up on my screen.  What a freakin relief.  This burden that I had been carrying for a year now is finally over.  I felt so light and so happy to have it behind me.  I am finally a CSW.

I am going to blame it on the "pregnancy brain" as I was pregnant both times I failed.

I just want to thank Scott for his pushes of encouragement that at times, I didn't want to hear.  It was really hard for me to keep trying but because of his help and faith, I was able to feel better and more confident.  He believed that I was smart, and could handle it even when I didn't.  Thanks babe, you're a gem.

PS--My parents are the absolute best.  When Scott would go to work, they would watch Kaiser for a couple of hours for me so that I could focus on getting over this hurdle.  Thanks Mom and Dad for letting me and Kaiser take over your house for a couple weeks :)

Kaiser's 2 months!!

Well...If you can believe it, our sweetie boy Kaiser hit his 2 month mark on September 1st!  Where the heck has the time gone?!!! There has been so much about him that I haven't updated yet :(  

He had his 2 month check up with the pediatrician Dr. Labrum on September 4th.  Here are his stats:

23 inches -- 50th percentile!

12 lbs 3 oz --50th percentile!

Our little man is growing, gaining weight, and looking cuter than ever before!  He got 3 shots while we were there too, and he took it like a champ.  He only cried for a minute or so before snuggling up to mommy and falling asleep.  Sweet, precious little boy.  Of course, we had to take a before/after shots picture :)

Poor little guy.  He had no clue what was coming.  He was all smiles going into it all...

He is growing so fast, and getting to be so big and strong.  I am already missing his little newborn snuggles!

Here are some things about Kaiser:

*He loves colorful, printed outfits.  He stares forever when someone holding him has one on

*He loves going on walks.  He just stares out at the trees and sky, and whatever he can find

*He is swatting and grasping things.  He has many toys that he likes to swat at.  He is in the beginning stages of holding onto stuff

*He hates his car seat and he definitely lets us know about it.  He doesn't only cry, but he yells at us too

*He is a big time bubble blower.  I've never seen so many bubbles

*He is good at mimicking me.  He'll stick out his tongue when I do, and a couple other mimics

*He loves to talk and to hear his voice.  We have lots of conversations.  Recently he has found a really squeaky voice that he loves to use

*He loves to look at pictures when I read him books

*He likes to dance with mommy

*He is a warm-bodied little boy

*He is a great sleeper!  He slept through the night on day 5

*He loves to stand up, and can hold himself up--he thinks he is such a big boy

*He always is rubbing his eyes, and playing with his hair when he is eating.  Sometimes he even pulls his hair out :(

*He likes to be outside

*He loves to stretch.  He does it when he wakes up, after he eats, when he eats, and pretty much any time.  I've never seen another baby stretch as much as he does

*He likes to play "so big," and he likes to swim with his arms

*He loves bath time, he kicks up a storm already

*He has the most contagious smile.  It makes me want to cry sometimes.  He also has the most adorable smirk/side grin

*He makes the funnest noises

*His binki is one of his best friends

*He loves to be swaddled.  At night when I swaddle him, he smiles so big because he knows he gets to sleep for the night.  It melts my heart

*He loves to have conversations and talk with mommy and daddy

*He is very social and will smile at anyone he sees

*He clicks his tongue all the time

*He makes funny faces

*He definitely knows who his mommy and daddy are

*His eyelids get red and he rubs them when he gets tired

*He grunts a LOT

*He is learning to sit up in his bumbo

*He is a very curious little boy.  Always looking around and learning everything he can

*He has such a mild temperament. He never cries unless he is hungry, or in his car seat 

*He is loved by so many people!

Here are some of our favorite pictures of Kaiser from birth until 2 months

We love him more than words can say!  He is growing and learning so much each day.  He is teaching us so much as well.  We love all of his goofy faces, his funny sleeping positions, and is snuggles.  And of course, his smiles just melt our hearts.  We are so blessed to be his parents!  

Out with the Old, In with the New

Hey, guess what?  We bought a new car and we moved!  ...again.  But not far.

First, the car.  We sold our beloved 2009 Subaru Legacy.  Yep, we surely did.  It was a sad day but we knew we needed to.

When we purchased it, we knew that it had a salvaged title.  Scott went over every single detail of the car:  where it got hit, what damages there were, etc.  We felt confident that we were getting a good car based on what the mechanic who fixed it and sold it to us said.  However, over the past year and a half that we had it, we kept finding little issues that would arise.  One of the rims got bent in the accident but instead of buying a new one for the car, the mechanic put that rim onto the back so we wouldn't noticed the wobble.  We found that out when we got the tires rotated, so we had to buy a new rim and get it painted.  The A/C had messed up wiring, the blend doors were stuck, the back window stopped rolling down, the motor in the windshield wiper fluid stopped working, there was a couple random squeaks and rattles, (and we all know how badly Scott hates squeaks and rattles) and the list goes on and on.  But the major reason that we sold it was because the airbag light would occasionally come on, and that worried us.  The mechanic who sold it to us said that the airbags did not deploy in the wreck, but based on the fact that he lied to us about a lot of other things with the car, we were not going to trust him.  Especially since we had a newborn baby.

We had a love/hate relationship with that car.  We loved the AWD, and the look of the car...but the previously mentioned things made us really hate the car.  So when Kaiser arrived and we were breaking our backs getting him out of our lower-to-the-ground car, we decided to upgrade and look for something bigger--along the lines of a small SUV.

We looked into getting a Hyundai Tucsan, a Ford Escape, a Honda CRV, and the Subaru Outback.  Scott looked on KSL to find a few cars in SLC that we could go check out and the Subaru Outback caught our eyes.  It was a trade-in at Henry Day Ford in West Valley City.  When we got to SLC, that was our first stop because we both know that we loved Subaru's so we wanted to see how the Outback fit us.  We fell in love with it the second we started driving it, and that was that.  It was a steal of a deal. With the awesome deal, and all the money we got from selling our Legacy, we were able to get an awesome car for a cheap price!

On August 7th, we bought a 2010 Subaru Outback Limited Edition.  It is in fabulous condition!  We are in love with it, and have been since the day we bought it.  It's also a lot like a small SUV.  Very roomy and it gets great gas mileage.  And you really can't beat the AWD if you live in a place like Logan :)

So, once again...we joined the hippy bandwagon, and went with the Subaru.  And we are proud of it. :)

Now, onto the move.  We were living in Smithfield in an old lady's basement named Ruth.  The apartment was good to us because we did get the most "bang for our buck."  However, the apartment was a dungeon.  The windows were so small that we never really got any natural light.  It was always freezing.  We never felt that we were at home because we couldn't ever decorate or hang pictures on the wall as per Ruth's demand, and we weren't supposed to ever have children while living there, also per Ruth's demand.  So when Kaiser came along we felt super awkward.  Whenever he would cry, I would always worry that Ruth would hear him, instead of focusing on if he was alright.  There are many reasons why we felt the need to move, but Scott's schooling was a big one.  When he decided to go to Utah State again, we looked at apartments closer to USU.  

We moved on August 30th.  Scott's dad, my mom, my sister, Scott and I did the moving.  Then the next day, Scott's mom and siblings came over and helped us unload everything and make our house our home.  So we are now living in Aggie Village.  Right on campus.  The apartment is once again cinder block, just like our apartment in SLC.  It is a 2 bedroom apartment that is quite a bit smaller than Ruth's, but it easily has much more storage space, which is nice.  We also hung our pictures on the wall and decorated our house a little bit :)  It definitely feels much more homey and we are happy with it!  I haven't gotten a chance to snap any photos of our new place yet, but you can imagine what cinder block looks like :)  I will post some soon!

Decisions, Decisions...

Isn't it crazy how challenging it can be to make decisions?

This past year has been pretty hard on both me and Scott and what we want our future to look like.  But  ever since Kaiser joined our family, and the couple months leading up to him joining us were especially difficult.  Mostly for Scott.

After many sleepless nights due to stress and anxiety, many prayers, and long conversations together, Scott decided that it was time change career paths, and to say goodbye to Mountain Ridge Helicopters.

This was an extremely hard decision for him to make for a number of reasons.  A decision that he had been toying with for quite some time before he told me about it.  I knew he was stressed for some reason, but he was a little apprehensive to discuss it or verbalize why because of the time and money we had already invested into the program.

After Scott finished with his private pilot's license, he took a step back to evaluate.  He enjoyed flying and was extremely good at it, but he wasn't as passionate about it as he felt like he should be to be spending the time and money that we were.  For a while, I could tell that something was bothering him, but all he would really say was that he was stressed about school and about the future.  This went on for 2-3 months.  I could tell something was bothering him so I kept digging (like wives do :)) and we finally had the discussion that needed to be had.  Scott finally admitted that he wasn’t sure that helicopter was the right choice for us and our family.  After many discussions, we went to the helicopter school to discuss our financial situation.  We received the news that in order for Scott to complete the program, we would need a lot more money than we thought.  That didn't sit well with Scott. It was just one more factor to add to what Scott was already feeling--that this wasn't the right fit for him. Being a helicopter pilot wasn't the lifestyle that he wanted.

The industry is really competitive and unpredictable.  I'm sure that Scott would have done well in it, and would have gotten jobs just fine, (regardless of what he says) but after all is said and done, he didn't want the lifestyle for himself, or for his family.  We would have been moving countless times from one job to the next for who knows how many years, which probably means that we wouldn't be able to get settled and buy a house for a long time... Scott wouldn't  have been able to be involved in Kaiser's life, or our future children's lives as much as he would want because he would work very long, random shifts... Scott would have gotten done, and we would have had so much debt with no guaranteed job at the end of it all to pay the loans back with... And because of our moving around so much, we would never be able to live in Logan again, or close to Logan for a number of years so our children wouldn't grow up knowing their grandparents, aunts/uncles, and cousins as well as we would have wanted them to...

Anyways, there are a number of reasons why helicopter school wasn't a perfect "fit" for us.  But I guess I don't feel the need to write any more down.  This had been weighing on Scott's mind for a very long time and now that he has made the decision to move on we feel so much better about our decision.  A huge weight was lifted off of Scott's shoulders.  He appreciates the profession and everything that he has learned from it.  He also made some great friends there.  But he just did not want to go through with it, it just wasn't his passion like it was/is theirs.

I really commend Scott for making the decision that he made because I know how hard it was for him.  I probably made it even harder for him because when he first told me, I was surprised because I knew how good of a pilot he was and I told him how well I thought it fit him.  But he knew what was best for him and our family.  He did not want people to think that he "quit" the school, or "couldn't handle it."  And I think he was worried that people would think those things and he definitely doesn't want to let anyone down.

We believe that everything happens for a reason, so we don't look at the time spent at helicopter school as a mistake.  We had a good feeling about going to school when he started, and we have a good feeling about being done with school and moving on now.  I don't know if we will ever know the reason why?

So as of now, Scott is finishing his Bachelor's degree at Utah State.  He is getting a Liberal Arts Degree, and possibly a Spanish minor.  He will also be doing prerequisites for graduate school.  He can be done with his Bachelors in 3 semesters, but probably more like 2 years with the prerequisites.  We are still looking into the right fit for Scott for graduate school.  We will see what happens, and where life takes us, but for now--we feel happy and content knowing that we will be in Logan for another couple of years.

Island Park

This summer has sure been crazy!  We were able to get away and go on a nice, relaxing vacation with Scott's family.  Scott randomly had 6 days off in a row, and it just so happened that his Dad and Andrea were looking to go on a family vacation also, so we quickly threw together a trip to Island Park.  Yep--Kaiser was not even 4 weeks old when he went on his first vacation!  We went July 26th-29th.  We stayed in this cabin:

The boys were able to do a whole bunch of fishing.  Scott was stoked for that because he had been wanting to fish for a very long time.  They fished for a good part of the two days, and then a little bit of the third day we were there.  Neil and Scott caught one or two decent sized ones, but for the most part they were all small.  Poor Kendall didn't catch anything.

We saw a moose!!

Grandma Sandy with Kaiser

Beautiful scenery

I stayed in the cabin for quite a bit of the time, which was still great for me.  I visited with the fam, and played with Kaiser.  We also played Bang.  Bang is a must have game for vacations :)

We went for a couple walks, and played on the 4-wheelers.  We just enjoyed the nature, the beauty, and the atmosphere.  I was amazed at how beautiful it was up there.  I had never been but I guarantee I will go back.

On our way out, we stopped in at Mesa Falls, and saw the beautiful waterfall and scenery there.  That was my favorite part.  So pretty!

Thanks to our wonderful Perkes family--we were able to get out of town and enjoy ourselves on a nice, relaxing vacation.  It was so great to get out of the house and do something different for a few days.  It felt really nice.