A lot of people have asked how we are liking school and work and living here, so I figured that I would write a little bit about it. Scott is working full time at Verizon as a bilingual sales rep...as I have said before. He works 4-5 days a week. When he works he typically gets home at 20:30 or 21:00, which is kinda sucky for me because I don't get to see him much. He works really hard though and he is great at what he is doing. And...let's face it, he is making the money so I can't complain too much right?
He is taking a couple classes here at the U in the meantime trying to fit it all into his schedule. He is thinking about doing the engineering program either here at the U or at Utah State, so we have been talking about our options and what not--we will have to see what happens in the near future. He stays pretty busy with school plus work. He is such a great husband--he is amazing at helping around the house. He does dishes, cooks (sometimes), vacuums, and more. He is the best!
As for me... I am keeping busy with school and my internship. This semester is coming to a close and I am so excited to be almost HALFWAY done with graduate school! It is so exciting to think about! It has been busy but I have gotten through it so far! However, I am still undecided if I like the program here at the U or not...Previous to coming to the U, I was also told that the program here is slightly disorganized and I can kind of see that now. Apparently it has gotten better but is still in the process of transforming. As far as me being a student goes, I feel that I have been a better student now than I ever have been. I have focused on my reading a lot more, I am trying hard to write better papers, and am paying better attention in my classes. I mean, I know there is always room for improvement but I feel that I have been doing pretty well. Sometimes, and especially lately, I am just ready to be done. I am burning out and not wanting to do the work my classes require. I am tired and bored of the "core classes" that I am in. The "core classes" are required each semester of the program. They are: 1: Advanced Practice 2: Advanced Research and 3: Advanced Policy. These classes are going to be the death of me. They are overwhelmingly boring. These classes I have to take each semester, and then I get to choose some electives that I can take on top of that. I think this is where it is hard. I don't care about research and it gives me so much anxiety...I never want to be a macro-level social worker so policy isn't my thing, (however, it has probably been my favorite of the three because I LOVE the professor) and I don't mind the information I have learned in my Practice class, but I wish I had a better, more involved professor like I know some at the U are. He is a mega dud and that is all there is to it.
I guess I just wish that I had the option to take more of the classes that are interesting to me instead of taking a years worth of the core classes. I have loved the electives that I am in this semester and feel that they will be beneficial to me in years to come. I just wish there was more wiggle room in the program to have it be more individually tailored to each person's own wants and needs. Hopefully next semester will bring some excitement that will help get me through!
The MSW program also requires that you do 600 hours of field work...called a "practicum." I am doing this at the Starlight Program. It is a foster care agency in Murray that provides foster care and clinical services for youth who have been removed from their homes. We are a step up from a normal foster care level agency because the youth we work with have a variety of mental health, emotional trauma, and other abuse and family related issues. Most of the children that we have are in their teens. Our oldest is 19 and our youngest two are brothers-- they are 7 and 9.
It has been much more of a learning experience for me than my BSW practicum was. I have really enjoyed learning the different aspects this placement has to offer me. It really has opened my eyes to the crazy world we live in. We have some amazing kids with insanely rough backgrounds. One child is in our program because her mom and her mom's boyfriend would give her drugs, and physically/sexually/emotionally abuse her while making hundreds of videos of them doing so. You would not believe the resiliency of this girl though. She is amazing! She has so much to learn about positive, healthy relationships, but she is well on her way. Her story is just heartbreaking. I will not go into detail about any more of our kids, but most of them have been sexually or physically abused and have a variety of different mental health issues from it.
Since I did not have any clinical experience from my previous placement, I have started out very slow at this placement learning the ropes and building my clinical knowledge and skill. I started out doing "tracking" on three boys in two different homes. The girls scare me so I am glad I work with boys for now. Tracking involves working with the child's caseworker, the proctor parent, the health worker, the school, the child's biological family (if involved) and others involved in the child's life. I see the kids on a weekly basis and we do whatever is needed to ensure that the child is on track for goals that he/she has. I am doing that along with "SDS" on the boys. SDS is a random acronym for Individual Skills Training and Development. We call it SDS because ISTD is a horrible acronym. SDS is a lot more clinical-based. It is a step down from therapy in the sense that it is not as intensive. We focus a lot on goals and basic living skills, while maintaing a healthy relationship with the children. I also am writing clinical notes and learning the language of clinical social work, which has been nice. I have really enjoyed this so far and I enjoy getting to know the kids.
I have shadowed one of the therapists and am soon going to start shadowing more to get a feel for therapy. Soon enough, I will be getting my own kids to do therapy on, and that scares me. I feel super inadequate when it comes to doing actual therapy on these kids. I am so worried that I am not clinically minded enough and that I don't have enough skills. I am nervous that I am going to end up doing "talk therapy" instead of real, helpful therapy and that the kids are not going to get anything out of it. I am also nervous because doing therapy on foster children who are in the "system" is a lot different than doing therapy anywhere else....or so I have heard. One of the reasons is because some of the kids who are in our program are just punks and do not really care about much and probably hate having therapists, so they say whatever they need to in order to get through the session, and then go screw up again. I'm just nervous that I will not be good at it...I have really high expectations of myself and I don't want to let anyone down--I know that I am new at this, but really? Can I be trusted already? I am scared but I guess I have to start somewhere.
The more I get involved in school, and my practicum...the more I realize that I need a therapist myself. I need help! Any takers? :) I am definitely very appreciative to have Scott, and the wonderful friends that I have to talk to when I feel that I am going crazy, and am glad for the friends that I have made at school who I am able to relate with :)
Anyways, this is so long and there aren't even pictures this time, how boring! But, I hope this fills everyone in on what has been happening with us for the last little while.
Oh Heidi dear! I miss you! I loved reading this post and learning about what you are doing. You are such an amazing person- have faith in yourself- you are going to be so good at counseling those teens. It probably helps to have the Spirit with you- to help guide you to know what to say to help those poor kids. I can't believe that story about that little girl. I'm so naive to the horrors that occur around me, partly because I choose to be because when I hear things like what happened to that little girl it just makes me so upset and sick. Good luck! you'll be awesome! Also, I love that you wrote 2100 for the time instead of 9pm! Glad that nurse is still in you!
ReplyDeleteI def know the feeling about not being ready to take care of people... and about needing a therapist... that's why I have you :) You'll do great!!! It's a scary scary sad sad sad world sometimes. Just make sure you do whatever it takes to remember that as Anne Frank says, "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart." It's hard at times. Seeing what we see. But it's the worst AND the best of humanity. Hang on to the best.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm proud of your good student-ness ...I think we traded places... I either need to get married or go to grad school.
ReplyDeletegoodness heidi, you are a busy girl! and almost halfway done! keep up the hard work, you are AWESOME! before you know it, you'll have your master's degree! way to go! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for posting about your classes and practicum!! I love reading about other peoples practicum experiences! Everyone is so different and doing different things. Your practicum sounds hard! haha I found it so hard to work with kids in my BSW placement because of all the reasons you described... so many horrible things in this world! But what an amazing learning opportunity! Sounds like you have a lot of variety. Yeah. But I'm a little jealous because of what you will learn when you finally jump in and get a caseload for therapy! We don't really do structured therapy, which I am ok with because like you said, kind of freaks me out that I'll mess up or something, but I also realize it's so important to learn. I just can't imagine you'd be anything but great! It's good that you set the bar high for yourself, but don't forget to cut yourself some slack. It's a tricky thing to do.
ReplyDeleteAnd I totally agree with the class thing. I do like my practice class but it's all thanks to the professor. research has been painful and i'm dreading policy next semester! I would much rather take a course that was like half research and half policy and just get it over with and make room for the good stuff!! haha
But seriously, way to make it to the half way! Doesn't that just feel oddly fantastic! It's like I can't believe it but then again... so ready to be done:)
Ok final thing... I feel like i need a therapist too! haha I LOVE that you mentioned that because it is just so true! You hear all these stories and you mix that in with stress and I feel like I am boing bonkers or something! haha
Anyways, loved the post! Thanks so much for sharing!! Happy Thanksgiving!!